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Do you make apple pie? I bet you do. Every good New Englander knows how to make an apple pie. It’s easy as hell and making a good Apple pie for a lady will most certainly get you points. So listen up, as I am going to tell you how to make “grandmas” Apple pie.

Make it the way my grandmother did. If you know this trick, you are an apple ninja. If not, add it to your life skills. Because a solid Apple Pie on a cold fall day, with Irish Coffee and some ice cream can cure most any ailment.

My grandmother wrote down just the ingredients. She never wrote measurements. That’s because she was a badass. You are a neophyte, so I am including a  “best guess”, as so you don’t totally screw it up. Here goes, read slow.


  1. 1 cup of Sugar
  2. 2 tablespoons of Flower
  3. 1 teaspoon of Cinnamon
  4. 2 tablespoons of Butter
  5. Eighth tea nut
  6. Quarter tea salt

Ok so get your apples. I go for Granny Smiths because I like it sweet. Most will settle for Macintosh. Which is a New England specialty, but the true OG move is to go for the Granny Smith.

I cut my apples with a peeler. It cores and takes the skin off. It also spins the Apple off the core itself, leaving you with a little curly of Apple goodness.

I then grab these balls of apple and smash it to pieces.

Toss in your ingredients.

And now for the secret…

Cook for 450˚ for 15 mins, then Lower the over to 325˚ for 45 mins and then leave the pie in the oven until it cools down so you can place your hand on the warm bottom without getting burned. This process turns the apples to almost an “apple sauce” consistency.

This is when I take the entire pie, go sit down with a good movie and a gallon of milk and proceed to demolish the entire thing.